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It still exists firm beliefthat "a slate has not hurt anyone yet", "spanking has always been done", "I got a spanking and thanks to that I grew up to be a decent man, and today's children ...", "slap is not beating". And when I think about all the uncertainties associated with spanking, I get the impression that the main problem is firstly, misunderstanding the subject, and secondly, failing to see the alternative to spanking.
Slap is beating
I was wondering whether to write once again about what you can read in many places in extensive articles, statements of experts. However, I finally decided to do it. Also so that my speech can be understood well.
Slate is beating. Slap is violence. Even if it is to be "just a light blow" or "swipe". This is not a sign of tenderness, it is not bubbling or massaging. A slate is a slate. Even if we call him a "slap", it will still be a form of violence, a way to use our own strength to do so to humiliate a weaker person than us.
Slate doesn't teach anything. Unless the rules: the stronger can beat the weaker (a rule that takes revenge quickly). After hitting, the child does not think about how to behave next time, so that there is no spanking (unless how to hide "bad behavior" for the anger of parents), usually the toddler is sad, scared or just angry, he feels humiliated, and sometimes he honestly (at the moment) hates his parents.
Therefore, it is unacceptable to use slate as a form of educational method - because you don't raise spankingand. They only hurt. In many ways.
We should realize that the child is also human. Small but a man who thinks, feels, observes and deserves to be respected.
This does not mean that excluding spanking from everyday life is associated with forgetting to bring up. It's also not like if "I don't hit my ass in the baby," it will grow into a "screaming, disrespectful monster."
This may happen, but for another reason, if ... I neglect the child by not devoting enough time to it.
What instead of spanking?
A few months ago I wrote an article "why I use penalties". I wrote it with full awareness that by some people it may be received as proof of mine "Backwardness", "ignorance" or "parental imperfection." In this article I pointed out that many parents argue that it is possible to raise a child without punishment, but at the same time I emphasized what is said at every step: that every child is different. One is enough to repeat two or ten times, and the other toddler, even with a hundred-fold translation, will systematically test the patience of his parents and do what he should not.
Perhaps there are such parents in the world who are able to withstand many weeks, even months of such tests, with patience looking at the next provocation of reaction on their part, but looking at the statistics and research results, I have the impression that "these patterns" is unfortunately little. Most (still around 60% in the family Poles give permission to slap children, and 38% accepts the so-called spanking) in such situations, he reaches for the method they know from their own home; after beating or spanking. It is often this so-called last resortwhen parents feel that the translation is not working and "the child falls on their heads."
Those parents who beat their children argue that it can't be done otherwise. Meanwhile this is not true. Can be. This does not mean continuous translation. You can choose a different path. Not perfect, but certainly better than physical violence. And certainly effective.
Punishment, or how to punish wisely
Now I would like to write about penalties that resemble in many respects natural consequences of deeds.