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An age-old problem
Theoretically, everything seems clear. Psychologists emphasize that an infant should have one or two people who will be his constant, one and most important guardian building a sense of security. Some guides go even further. They suggest that you do not hand over the child, even for a moment, to anyone but your parents for the first three months of life, during which the child is only to learn about the warmth and smell of parents.
However, practice shows that it varies. Not every mother is able and not everyone can look after the child at home until they go to school or kindergarten. One solution in this situation seems to be hiring a babysitter. Sometimes this fact leads to unpleasant consequences. Below I have collected for you a few statements from online forums.
My Son is currently 17 months old. From the 5th month of life, she has been under the care of a nanny, whom I am very happy with. He spends 8 hours a day with her and I work every other Saturday. After all, I try to devote every free moment at home to the maximum
Little. Inevitably, this time is shorter and less effective, because after all household duties are added. For some time I see that my child clearly misses the nanny, crying when she leaves. He immediately sits down with her to play, and with me he seems to be bored. Maybe I have a bad impression, or maybe it's just a period in my child's life. I don't know. Write something. Inquire. Thank you. (forum gazeta.pl)
A colleague made a career, the child was looked after by a babysitter between 7.00 and 19.00. When the child began to say "mother" to the nanny -
a friend quit her job and started looking for a job that would allow her to be with her child much longer than an hour a day. (forum gazeta.pl)
Everyone works alone on authority. And this is not the nanny's fault, when the parent returning from work is greeted by pushing through the door, crying and running to the nanny in his arms. Or that the child finds words and nanny activities more interesting and more behind him than what his parents do.
The fact is that a nanny always has the advantage over a parent, that she is only for the child, at his every call, even when he shows him that as an adult he has a different world of interest - he reads a newspaper, solves a crossword puzzle, does something in the kitchen, what they do only adults, etc. The child understands this well and identifies them better with such a person, because he also sometimes needs to look for something for himself and stay in his own world, so that nobody looks at it (or at least pretends not to see). But the fact is also that racing with a nanny by her disavow, criticizing in the presence of a child, what all she did was unsuccessful, has nothing to do with building authority, even though she sometimes effectively stabs the child in a sense of betrayal towards her parents and makes a reflex hiding emotions. (for a change, the nanny's statement from forumpomocedomowe.pl).
There are pros, there are cons
It is better to feel jealous that the child likes nanny very much and have the feeling that we are missing something, which will motivate us to spend time actively and fully with the toddler, than to leave the house under stress, that the child is hurt. In fact, it's easier to accept a smile on your face and watch a sweet "papa" than to scream and hang on the door handle. Obvious? Do you agree with this? Unfortunately, this is often the case only in theory ...
Human nature is so often we would like to have everything: opportunities for professional development and a child who will put us first. Unfortunately, when going to work, you have to reckon with the fact that this nanny who stays with the child after 8-9 hours, and sometimes even longer becomes a key person in his life. In such a situation, the nanny to a large extent raises our child and it is she who, as a person fully spending time with him (especially when he does not have to cook, clean), becomes the first and most important guardian for the child. Sometimes a toddler lost in such a system, even a babysitter begins to call "mother". He hugs her when she falls and wants to play with her, even when her parents return home.
For justification, nannies emphasize that the child knows who his mother is. This does not mean, however, that parents will be the most important for him. Many examples show that it is completely different. And is that so good?
Love to preschoolers
We don't bring up a child. Despite this, many people treat a toddler as their own. In a sense, it is natural that a mother wants to stay the most important, smartest and most beautiful for a child as long as possible. However, it is important to remember that the child develops, changes and goes through various stages. Sometimes it happens that for a few weeks it distinguishes a specific person in the family. Already a few years old may like the beloved aunt, who is becoming very important and in many respects overshadows her mother. It is also different in kindergarten ... When a few-year-old passes the adaptation time, often what your preschooler says becomes the most important and "more real" than what parents think.
What can you do? Unfortunately only one. Accept this fact. Understand that with development, the child, apart from love for parents, gains new fascinations ...
You have to have a distance?
Some suggest that the problem of too much attachment of a child may be caused by the nanny herself, who cannot reconcile tenderness and distance, cannot be looked after in such a way as to remain a nanny and not encroach on her mother's competence. It is very difficult to grasp, but experienced babysitters emphasize that it is possible to implement. You can be a "lovely nanny" and not replace a parent.
How to do it? Wise babysitters will talk about their mother, tell him that he is at work, why he is there and what he does there, what will happen when he returns, or even find time to watch family photos with the toddler. You can go for a walk and break a bouquet of flowers for parents, draw a picture, collect pebbles together. To praise the dinner that my mother made, to play with the teddy bear that my father chose, to put on the shoes that my mother tried on in the store ... Everything for parents.
Nannies who form one front with mothers are professionals. Those who want to feel better at the expense of a woman who returns to work should be considered unprepared for the job and unworthy of the trust that parents give them.