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What should we do in a situation where when do grandparents openly criticize our educational methods? Defend your arguments or maybe give up and succumb to their requests and demands? Or maybe it's better to insist on your own and in the event of a conflict limit the contact of grandparents with grandchildren?
Old versus new - parenting methods for parents and grandparents
Both we parents and grandparents, we have our views on raising children. Our parents grew up and learned educational methods many years ago. However, the world does not stand still, it keeps moving forward all the time educational methods change over the years. No wonder then many of us no longer recognize the parenting methods of our parents. Some of them appear to us as outdated and inappropriate to today's level of knowledge.
Grandparents usually are however more experienced they've raised us and our siblings after all and that's why they usually have a lot to say about raising their grandchildren. However, their vision does not always coincide with ours, which can create conflicts between us and our parents.
Half poverty, when grandparents only gently let us know how they think we should deal with our children. It is possible then calm conversation and mutual understanding of your arguments. On the other hand, those of us whose mother and dad are angry and open, often with children, criticize our educational methods are in a much worse situation. What to do in this situation and how to respond to allegations by grandparents?
Follow the principle: the best interests of the child are in upbringing
First of all, we should realize that our parents are upbringing has always been and will be the most important good of the child. So we should look best educational methods and decide only on those that will have a positive impact on the development and shaping of our child's character. It is also worth remembering that the methods proposed by our parents do not have to be outdated. Therefore, we should not reject them a priori, but calmly listen to what my mother and dad have to say to us and relate it matter-of-factly.
Let's also remember that our parents are definitely more experienced and thus can give us really valuable advice, which we can use to bring up our child to bring even better results. We should be so always open to dialogue and constructive criticism and be able to admit their mistakes. Only in this way will we be able to find the best solution for our child.
Let us always be consistent and consistent
The consistency and full agreement about once chosen educational methods, which must apply not only to both parents, but also to all persons who actively participate in the process of raising a child, are also extremely important. Only because of this will the orders of each guardian be observed by the child in an equally important way, and the child will not see guardians in the category those "good" (who allow him to do more) and those "bad" (who are more severe). This attitude gives children large manipulative and definitely not conducive to learning valuable attitudes.
Conversation, conversation and conversation again
In order to reach agreement with grandparents, not only on educational issues, the most important is calm conversation. In the event of any differences of opinion, let's sit together with our parents at one table and let's talk with them openly. Let parents first explain how they see the upbringing of their grandson and what methods they think will be the best.
Then we also explain these issues, properly arguing his point of view. It often turns out that during a quiet conversation, differences in views are no longer as large as it seemed at first and we begin to notice that we have with parents a quite similar vision of raising our child. A relaxed conversation also allows you to better understand your arguments.
So let's exchange your opinions and use the experience of parents looking for a solution that will be best for our child. After all, his good is the most important thing in all of this, both for us and for our parents.
Talking about educational matters only among adults!
However, we should not agree that parents criticize our parenting methods in the presence of the child. We should deal with contentious issues and all matters concerning adults only in our company. It is very important in raising a child parental authority which, in the event of open criticism from another person, is very easy to lose.
Authority is of great importance for the child's sense of security and trust in his parents. A child must always be sure that everything we do and demand from him is dictated only by his good.
What grandparents' behavior should we not agree to?
However, there are some behaviors that we should never agree to. For example, we should not accept when grandparents:
- in the presence of children, they openly criticize our educational methods;
- want to talk about parenting methods with children;
- despite our bans, they allow the child to do some things;
- they go against common arrangements.
In this case, please seriously talk to grandparents and explain to them in a clear and clear way that we do not wish this behavior. We should also say that such behavior on their part threatens to lose our authority in the eyes of the child and thus can cause serious upbringing problems in the future.
Reasonable and open to dialogue parents will certainly understand our arguments and modify their behavior. Let us remember that none of us is perfect and our parents also have the right to make mistakes.
However, if grandparents do not change their behavior and despite our comments continue to have a negative impact on the upbringing of their grandson, we have a more radical solution, which is to limit their contact with the child. However, this is a solution that we should only decide as a last resort when other methods fail.
Raising a child - who does the last word belong to?
Let us remember that we are the parents and it is up to us to say the last word about the educational methods used for our child. So we have the full right to have our views, opinions and to making mistakes and learning from them for the future. This applies not only to the upbringing of the child, but also to people whom we will allow to be in his immediate surroundings.
At the moment when we find that our parents have a negative impact on the development and upbringing of our child, the only solution will be to limit the time they spend with their grandson. It may seem a bit cruel, after all, grandparents love their grandson and should have the right to actively participate in his life, however this should not be at our own expense, let alone the child's upbringing. It is the good of the child that should always be in the first place and it is up to us, the parents, who we allow to decide about his future.