Preschooler

My child is always dissatisfied. Ways for a small malcontent

My child is always dissatisfied. Ways for a small malcontent



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Do you remember the fairy tale about Golden Hair and three bears? The one where the little girl got into the house of the bear hosts, gave her porridge and finally fell asleep in the bed of the youngest teddy bear? When I think about this story so much, it is something quite absurd from the point of view of an adult - is it normal to pack strangers into the house, eat them up and fall asleep in a strange place?

Children will receive this fairy tale in a completely different way - for them, the poor, little Goldilocks finally got theirs, ate and rested, but first she had to deal with too hot and too cold porridge, too hard or soft bedding, etc. And how lucky it is that she finally found something for herself! What a bad luck it took so long that the bears also let this happen!

Toddlers see the world a little bit on the principle "what is yours mine and what's mine is nothing to you". Yes, they learn empathy, sharing with others, waiting in queue to meet their needs - from the most prosaic titles: "hold on, the toilet is temporarily occupied" to those "we don't have money this month, you will get the blocks for your birthday, you have to wait ".

Exactly that waiting is the hardest thing. Small malcontents who are always dissatisfied with something are simply children who are emotionally unable to understand certain relationships and understand that waiting for something will happen to them all their lives.
The child may be dissatisfied when his mother puts on a blue hat. Because it is waiting for my mother to guess that this time it was supposed to be green.

He may cry when we put his favorite dish in his face - because you have to wait for it to cool down.
We buy Barbie a mermaid and here are tears in her eyes, because she was supposed to be a fairy. All friends already have! And the child waited so much for it to have it, and here again the profession.

We offer him a trip to the ZOO, and then suddenly a row. Because no one guessed that half of the kindergarten group had already visited the dinosaur exhibition, and yet the child was waiting so!

I will not count how many times after waiting the so-called phoch, caused by what is unknown, I asked the children the question "well, why didn't you just say / what was going on?" First there is silence, then there is a shrug and a grimace when the child laboriously tries to understand himself. They didn't say - why? Because he was WAITING until the parent guesses himself. Because the parent is an adult, wise, and he knows so much. So why doesn't he know what the child is up to? Why do you have to wait?

Realizing where children's sniffing at everything comes from is the first step to making changes. Raising children is a job - let's not be afraid of the word. It is a full-time job, and because of this, adults are burdened with a gigantic number of duties, which lead them to keeping their nerves under control.

Usually whining, tears and children's quarrels cause extreme reactions in parents - from guilt to rage. If we let ourselves be carried away in such a moment, the situation will increase and it will be more and more difficult to control it. It's easy to throw a slogan about how spoiled children are. Who has not even once in their lives thought through the famous "overturned you" **, I congratulate you. On the other hand, to all those who bite their teeth and rest their strength from the explosion after a day full of whining, I suggest a few simple rules that will allow you to relieve tension, take the child's attention with something else, or simply change the children's way of thinking, and as a result make spending time will be filled with joy, not anger.

1. Two grumps

The child does not have a monopoly on whining and must understand that no one next to him will be constantly jumping. The parent can sit next to them and say "you know what? If you don't like anything, I don't think of anything else. I don't like it now and it's difficult, we'll both be bored. " Showing displeasure is a way for a child to achieve a particular result. If we set clear limits in this way and show that such behavior has the opposite effect, the child will start looking for a new way to achieve the goal, including by changing / improving their behavior.

2. Distraction

This is a popular method, effective especially for children in nursery - kindergarten age. Emotional development at this stage takes place in leaps and bounds, which leads to a situation in which a child can within a minute go from laughter to hysterical crying and he himself does not actually know what he suddenly did not like. Comforting and hugging is not always effective. But there is no child who will not come up curious when the parent seemingly ignoring what is happening around, starts to draw something, mold from plasticine or prepare a mixture for soap banks. After a moment of fun together, the child will probably not even remember the cause of bad humor.

3. Clear rules

The dissatisfaction of older children is often due to a lack of clear rules at home. Brawl or foch is just one of the ways to force parents to buy a new toy, a higher pocket money or to withdraw a penalty imposed for something. Maybe it will succeed, if it succeeds 3 out of 5 times? Therefore, consistency in this case is the key word. The child will not test a parent who is not susceptible to this type of games, for what, if it's a mere waste of time?

4. The example goes from above

"I will not eat this, neither will I take it green, and in general it is hot and sun bothers me and I want another fairy tale, and he teases me and I will not play because nooo!" - do we hear it from children every day? And maybe it is worth wondering if they hear from us "how tired I am, it sucks this job, as if I could just go to another one. Stupid boss, stupid clients, no money, hot as hell, leave me alone, I'm not going anywhere, I'm fed up with everything ”? The little ones may not hear the request to clean the room, but they will certainly hear everything that is not intended for their ears and on this basis will develop their own behavioral patterns.

An always unsatisfied child is a problem. The problem is mainly for him, and he certainly wants to solve the problem, even if he can't tell us.