Baby

New life ... on your mind

New life ... on your mind



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When you feel a strong need to enlarge the family, when you can't pass by small pink socks in a supermarket or a blue 62-inch hoodie, you rarely think that motherhood is a luxury that is hard not to go crazy. You don't get information or shy comments that your life will be upside down. You have your vision. Motherhood drawn by smiling women on the covers of mothers' magazines and beautifully dressed and neat mothers of babies, appearing on television commercials. When reality strikes you and you get the truth in your face with a hammer, you can't shake yourself long. Is this what being a mother looks like? Screaming for rescue! You want to run away, slam the door and get this better version of "new life". Unfortunately, there is no better. At least for now.

Far from imagination

Even if you read thousands of books and newspapers, you were theoretically prepared for any situation, many months before the birth of your child you knew ways to colic, pouring water and weaning from the teat, the situation will surprise you a lot.

You can prepare better or worse for motherhood. However, never fully.

In practice, it looks like the young parents rub their eyes in amazement for the first weeks, wondering how it was possible that it happened thatThere are 7 billion of us in the world. Even if they both longed for a child, they honestly admit that reality is very different from their imagination.

The child knows no compromises. He immediately claims what he deserves. The survival instinct tells everyone to stand on their feet several times a day, sometimes even every 15 minutes: both during the day and at night.

And how will it be with you?

Probably like millions of parents around the world ...

Suddenly, in your harmonious duo will enter a man less than 50 centimeters, who will rule at the beginning with you, then with your mode of day, and finally with your needs and desires. It will reshuffle your thinking about the world and take over the role of the boss. He will enter every nook and cranny of your world. Also in conversations.

You don't even notice when you start making arguments about the benefits of breastfeeding, the technique of bottle feeding, or the color of poop. New film? Interesting book? You won't have time for this! Even though you would swear before pregnancy that you certainly won't do that, your conversations and thoughts will start to revolve around the baby anyway. You won't even look around, and you'll join a group of mothers who can't talk about anything else. Even if they try, they still think about one and the same - how this time their child will fall asleep, whether he eats or is gaining weight well ...

There are three of you, like the fifth wheel on a cart

When you become a mom, you suddenly have to exhibit constant readiness. Be on call. However, in practice it is not so simple. You quickly begin to feel the consequences of this constant mobilization. Not only you, but all your close and distant family, especially you and your partner. As a three you create an odd layout, so it becomes natural that soon one of the links feels like the fifth wheel on the car. Usually falls on father.

You are not just a couple, only for yourself, for two. Your attention naturally focuses on the child. You feel that you are one with him. It often seems that only you can soothe his crying. Inevitably, there is little room for a partner who nomen omen is left on the side track.

You have other needs. When, after a whole day of childcare, you want a moment of peace, time for yourself and give him from the threshold, your little happiness, he does not expect anything but a moment of relaxation. He would prefer to leave the house with you, laugh at a comedy, or meet up with friends. As before. But he can't now. Instead of calm, he gets a child who needs attention all the time. A toddler who takes him away from you and ignores his needs. He's got a rival he's irrationally jealous of.

Most of the ladies will certainly be outraged when they read what I write about now. However, the test results are ruthless. It is during this period within three months of having a baby, men most often have a "sideways jump."". The temptation to compensate for worse everyday reality turns out to be too strong. Betrayal gives, at least in theory, what a man does not receive at home. And it's not just about sex ...

New duties

In a classic arrangement after the birth of a child the responsibility for supporting the family falls on the man. He becomes its sole host. From now on, he is responsible for maintaining the partner and the child. Earlier, you probably both worked. Now this arrangement is out of the question. Despite the usually smaller funds, you are obliged to maintain such a standard of living as when you were both still working. You have less, you have to divide it into three, not two, and at the same time live as if you were earning more.

It's not everything. In addition to finance, changes in your relationships, the most prosaic elements of your everyday reality change. In a few weeks or even months after giving birth, you simply don't do everything. You have your hands full. No wonder, after all, the child is really absorbing. The consequences are easy to guess. A pile of laundry is growing, ironed shirts are missing in the house, a mountain of dishes collects in the sink, the fridge is empty, the apartment is not cleaned. The man returns home, and instead of a rested partner, full of passion and ready to share the dreams that united you, he sees a woman in a bathrobe with dark circles under her eyes, who wants nothing but a short nap.

Chronic lack of sleep

When you give birth to a child, you will soon find out for yourself why torture is so effective in taking people to rest. Chronic sleep deficit can crush even extremely mild people. In addition, constant motives at night, although so disliked, fall into the blood. When finally the baby or sometimes older child learns to sleep all night, instead of sleeping soundly, you fall from side to side and you can't fall asleep. You simply can't sleep as sweetly as you did before the baby was born. Instinctively, you wake up, sleep lightly and don't get enough sleep.

Insomnia in young mothers is not a rare disease at all.

Different visions of upbringing

When a new family member arrives, there are also misunderstandings. Sometimes, with horror, you notice that you have never argued before like you did after becoming parents.

Suddenly it turns out that you hold the baby differently than the partner, you feed him differently, play with him differently. You don't even know yourself when you enter the role of an expert. In the end you know better because you were the one who carried the baby under your heart for nine months. You were one, a perfect arrangement that needed nothing and no one but you.

With time there are doubts. You feel lost: and if you are wrong, if you do something wrong, if you do not know what your toddler really needs? Who exactly knows how you should look after your child? Why are there no lectures on this topic?

Life like a puzzle

Fortunately, everything that tells you after the birth of your first child to get out of your head the vision of a big family and swear that you will become an only child, quite quickly passes. You start to see the banal truth that motherhood consists of good and bad moments.

You realize that you will not immediately become a harmonious family. You realize that you will most likely never be a "holy family." Only normal, wrong, constantly learning, sometimes moving away from each other, but one that you want to come back to.